Lynda's story
Carers can be of all ages and from all backgrounds. Many people won’t see themselves as being a ‘carer’, they just see it as what they need to do for their parent, friend or loved one.
Laura lives with her husband Dave and their two young children, Henry and Lizzie. We spoke to Laura about her family’s caring situation, the support they’ve received from The Carers’ Centre, and her epic fundraising plans this June.
Brian's dementia seemed to come on very quickly. In November 2022 I noticed he was started to get confused, forgetting names and faces he'd known for years and his patience was very thin. In January 2023 we went on a cruise which he found to be a frustrating experience.
By this point his whole personality seemed to have changed. He had also started to have hallucinations that people were in the house and he was fighting them. I found I couldn't reason with him, what he was seeing and feeling was real to him. As the situation progressed I really did start to feel I was unable to provide the level of care Brian required.
It was difficult as, you always feel that you should soldier on, you'll cope and will find a way.
He was initially referred to the mental health team, but things at home weren't great so he was taken to the RUH, where he stayed for 6 to 8 weeks until they could get him into a care home in Bath. It wasn't ideal though as it was a nursing home wasn't really set up to look after people with dementia and Brian required one-to-one care. We did look at another care home which had a specific dementia care wing and had space. When the decision was made for Brian to go into care I felt a mixture of guilt and relief. It was confusing at first for him and he was often scared and angry at being moved in there. In an ideal world he would have stayed at home. I would wake at all hours of the night worrying about him, and some days it would all get on top of me. I did feel I should have been able to cope.
"The care home now looks after all of Brian's personal care, I look after the finances. It's a different sort of caring. I've found with dementia it's a gradual bereavement. They're still there, but you feel them slowly slipping away."
When I go to see Brian now we can spend quality time together, I don't need to worry as much. His face lights up when I arrive, it is, though, often hard when I need to leave.
We did so much together and adjusting to doing things on my own and coming back to an empty house was a difficult process. This wasn't straightaway, it happened about a year after Brian had moved into the care home. In time though it is becoming easier. I’m always looking for new activities which Brian and I didn’t do together as it allows me to make new friends.
I still worry about him, but it's not all consuming as it was before. It's the same with the guilt, it doesn't go away completely, but it changes. I know he is getting the care he needs. Attending the dementia carers group at The Carers' Centre has been a big source of support as everyone there knows what you've been through, or are going through. People understand how you feel.