The Christmas season can be a particularly challenging time for unpaid carers.
When your day-to-day has changed very little, when there’s no annual leave, no staff Christmas party to look forward to, when external support services stop for the holiday season, it can be difficult to feel festive or jolly. During the Christmas period, unpaid carers often find themselves feeling socially isolated or invisible.
We explore five essential ways that you can help an unpaid carer this Christmas, such as being there to listen, stepping in to offer help, including their needs and much more.
1. Reach out and chat
Christmas can be a stressful time for many. For unpaid carers, even more so.
In addition to caring for their loved one, they may worry about the cost of presents and food on top of caring costs and rising bills, finding time to spend with family, and making sure the person they look after experiences as little stress as possible.
According to the Carers Trust, 41% of unpaid carers surveyed said they were worried about financial pressures and that they would have even more caring to do over the Christmas period. 35% said they were worried about feeling lonely and isolated and 14% said they were worried they would not be able to access support services over Christmas.
Providing unpaid carers with emotional support over the Christmas period is essential. Talking things through, without fear of judgement, can help to alleviate stress and anxiety. A simple call, text, or short visit can make the world of difference.
2. Practice empathy
Equally, it’s important to understand that many unpaid carers are busier than ever at this time of year. And with care support services in increasingly short supply, they may not have the time or energy to reply to that message, comment on your social media post, or meet you for that coffee.
Exercise empathy. Try not to set expectations on unpaid carers to feel or act a certain way over the holiday season. When you do find time together, avoid deflecting, diminishing, or dismissing their worries or concerns. Instead, show you are listening by asking questions. Show you care through reassurance and understanding. Remind them that they are not alone.
It’s particularly important to show empathy towards young carers. According to Action for Children, nearly half of all young carers miss out on Christmas traditions and social activities. Their UK-wide poll found that 21% of young carers under 18 spend 11 hours or more a day caring for a loved one over the Christmas break. Be sensitive about asking young carers if they are excited for Christmas or what presents they have asked Santa for this year.
3. Provide practical support
Many who look after a loved one will not ask for help this Christmas for fear of being a burden. Many will feel the pressure to meet certain expectations and Christmas traditions.
Provide practical support by picking up odd jobs like the washing, cleaning or cooking which could help ease the pressure. If you’ve got more time to give you could help with picking up or giving medication, meeting hospital appointments or offering to look after the person needing support to give the carer a chance to
It’s important to remember that not everybody’s Christmas day will look the same, nor should it. If skipping the roast and opting for an easy stress-free meal would alleviate added stress, then encourage that new tradition. If having a contingency plan in place puts an unpaid carer’s mind at ease, then help them to make one. If having an alcohol-free Christmas is one of their caring requirements, then reassure them it won’t spoil the fun.
4. Make them feel included
Depending on their caring role, some carers will be unable to leave their house on Christmas day. Others may spend it in hospital.
Being excluded from social activities and quality family time can add to feelings of isolation and helplessness for unpaid carers. Ensure they feel included in festivities by offering to join them for hospital visits or arranging a video call. Could you ‘share a meal’ by preparing a plate or Tupperware for their Christmas dinner and delivering it in advance?
Make new traditions together, traditions that accommodate everyone’s needs. Extend invitations, even if you know they might be declined.
Whatever you decide, be sure to agree the plan with the unpaid carer and the person they support in advance.
5. Ensure they feel remembered
More than feeling like a burden, many unpaid carers may feel that asking for help is an admission that they are unable to cope. Or, if they have asked for help in the past, but have not received it, they are unwilling to ask again. They may be willing to accept help over the holiday period, but feel pressure, come the new year, to ‘get back to normal’.
Caring is not just for Christmas. It’s important to offer emotional and practical support all year round. So, check in regularly. Offer to help and offer to help again, even if the offer is declined the first time. Caring needs can change quickly, and feeling supported, or knowing somebody is there, can provide vital reassurance.
Stories from our community
Carers are the partners, friends and family members helping their loved ones get the most out of life. A carer is anyone, including children and adults who provides support and care to their loved ones without payment. Read the stories of the people we help.
