Managing changes in your relationships

Looking after someone can have a big impact on relationships – both good and bad. Sometimes the changes in dynamic can be overwhelming to deal with, whereas some feel it brings them closer together.

These changes can affect the relationship you have with the person you care for and with those around you, like family and friends.

Many people say it can feel like they just become “the carer”, explaining that the weight of caring responsibilities completely outweighs anything else. Dealing with everything from finances to hospital appointments, personal care to emotional support, there simply isn’t any time or energy for carers to be anything else.

One common thing we hear is that the person being cared for has changed. Usually due to an illness or medical condition that causes them not to be or act like the person that they are. This can be extremely hard on the person looking after them, causing them to feel alone, frustrated and even resentful.

If you are looking after a spouse or partner, you may feel that the intimacy (physical and emotional) has been taken away, causing you to miss the bond that you once had.

Sometimes, it can feel that other members of your family aren’t doing enough to help, and this results in feelings of anger and resentment. Or perhaps family members withdraw from the situation completely, leaving you alone.

The nature of being a carer can be extremely time consuming and our community have told us that it is hard for them to put the time and energy into their friendships like they used to.

However, looking after someone can also bring you closer to that person. You may spend more time together than you have done previously and as a result, build an even closer bond.

Some carers have told us that is an honour to be able to care for their loved ones.

We have heard from our community that they have formed stronger bonds with wider family as they all rally together to help and share the caring load. Alongside this, many carers have said they felt the value of true friendship. Friends reach out and ask them how they are, come round for a cuppa and a chat and help with the shopping.

Managing and dealing with your relationships can feel like a roller coaster, but our wonderful community are here for you. Carers shared their knowledge and advice for those who are navigating similar situations...

“Take time out – caring for someone can be stressful and exhausting. Put on your oxygen mask before helping others!”

“Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out. We can only do our best, and our best is usually good enough – it’s just we never think it is.”

“Make use of technology! Phone and video calls can keep friends and family close and in contact.”

“Always keep your sense of humour!”

“Allow yourself to grieve for what was and could have been. Offload and share experiences and feelings with others that understand.”

“Join a social group to get you out of the house. You’ll meet lots of new people and make friends.”

Find your supportive community with The Carers’ Centre. We have a range of peer support groups designed to help you with the ups and downs of caring. Head over to our activities page to see how you can get involved.